Every day is hard. I find it even more difficult because I try to hide it and pretend that I am fine (depression is a very taboo thing). This is made all the more
For now, I'm encouraging myself with even the smallest of victories. I had breakfast. I finally returned calls and texts (from yesterday). It's so easy to go inside your own head and avoid interactions with others. It's easier to hide then too (at least that's what I delude myself into thinking). I took deep breaths during one call and remained patient (maybe more on that relationship at a later time). I took care of the puppy. I think I'm making her depressed too, and I feel so guilty.
I'm trying to do one thing at a time and not focus on everything else that is in front of me. I'm trying to focus on the most simple tasks. It's hard. I want to fast forward, but that desire indicates that I'm missing the point of this project that I have created for myself. The truth is that even if I were to fast forward right now, I would find myself exactly where I am now. I have to live each day, the accomplishments, the setbacks, the exciting, the boring, the successes, the mistakes... It is only through doing this that I will find myself in a better place somewhere down the road. The sooner I start taking the steps, the sooner I can get there.
Still, I can't wait for the day when I re-read this post and don't remember what this felt like.
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