Almost always, almost instantly upon coming home from somewhere, I used to go to my room, flip on my computer and t.v. and sit there in a fog for hours. Sometimes I would fall asleep. Often I would try not to. Sometimes I would end up crying; a show, or something would trigger it. Often I would be hating myself for not doing something productive and then hating myself more for not convincing myself to get up and change that fact. Often I would feel anxious, worried, sad, lonely... At some point I would decide I should finally eat something for dinner, and I would make my way to a drive thru. Then I would be back home, back in my room, back in front of the t.v. and computer, until 1:00, 2:00, 2:30...in the morning.
I say used to because even though this is only day 2 of this (I've lost count) go-round, I will not go back to that. That is in the past (and it's time I begin working on leaving other things there with it too). I am already feeling much better (determined).
Today when I got home, I immediately took the dog out, had a snack, mowed the lawn, walked the dog, got on the elliptical, had dinner, read the news, emailed my long-distance workout buddy, unloaded the dishwasher, put the dirty dishes in it, completed 2 loads of laundry, started a third, blogged... I haven't stopped moving. It has kept me out of my room and out of my head (or at least enough to prevent me from dwelling, worrying...) I am actually beginning to look forward to the next day, an opportunity to make even more progress, to add another day to the tally...
"Derive happiness in oneself from a good day's work, from illuminating the fog that surrounds us." -Henri Matisse
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