2a: a state of well-being and contentment

It's been awhile.  Where have I been? What have I been doing? Let me give you a little insight into me (soon-to-be old me).  Here's a bit of a journal entry circa September 2008...yes, 2008.  So let's take a little look @ the old  Ele.
This was written after stumbling upon an article in Real Simple:

"and i found this article from gretchen rubin...about a book she is working on..the happiness project.....and this inspired me to again start my attempts to be really happy...that is always my ultimate goal...

so, anyway...i think i will begin [journaling] again...that kind of makes me feel happy...or at least feel less...angry...or sad...or bored...or whatever...

some other current parts of my happiness project are...

1) twice daily long walks with [the puppy]...[the puppy] is happiest on a walk...and that in and of itself makes me happy...it's also nice quiet time...away from everything else...helps me calm myself...and let go of negative feelings i might be having at that time...

2)weekly walks with [the friends]...it's not about losing weight...but having a stress-free get together...no elaborate plans...

3)cleaning/organizing my house...and taking my time at it...i'm a perfectionist...although, my life is such a wreck that you would never guess it... i often become overwhelmed and do nothing because i can't do everything that i want to get done...so, i have started thinking about one task at a time...and completing that one task at a time without focusing on what i don't have done yet...

4)eating at home...no fast food...no carryout...at all...at least for now...i want to prove to myself that i can do this for awhile...before allowing myself to eat out again...in moderation, of course...

5)having a bedtime...and wake-up time...and getting enough sleep..."

Yeah, so I titled my first entry here Deja Vu for a reason.  I've embarked on this journey countless times.  As I've mentioned, I've been battling this for the last decade+.  I'm not saying that I haven't been happy at all, that there have been no good times, no great memories... There have been many.  It's just that I recognize that I am not living my best life.  I know life could be better, more fulfilling.  I know that I should smile and laugh more.  I know that I should feel better.  I know that I should be a better wife, sister, daughter, friend.  I know that I should treat myself better, that I should be healthier... 

As I mentioned, I struggle with perfectionism.  So I recognize that part of this journey of self-improvement is also about a shift in my attitude, gaining a more positive perspective.  I know that I must draw the line somewhere, that life is not perfect, that I will not always be happy, that there is sadness and pain, but I am not even close to where that line would be.  So for now I work on getting right up next to that line, whether it's from getting exercise, getting rest, eating right, or the big one, a shift in attitude, I will get there.

X-You are here______________________________________________X-Goal__|Perfect

P.S. It's been 3 years, and Gretchen Rubin's book that she was writing is now written, published, and on my bookshelf.  In total symptomatic fashion, I have not finished it, even though I love the half that I have read so far.   ...such an analogy for my life, something makes me feel better, and I don't continue with it...fitting.  Add the book to my list.