Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dad. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

6 Smalls Things That Aren't So Small

1. I called the sister and asked if she wanted to pick a day each week to study/apply for jobs together.  We would normally end the call on yeah, let's do that.  We would then not do that.  Instead, we picked a day/time for next week.
2. I emailed my long distance workout buddy, Ann, and asked if she wanted to start checking in with each other again.  We will be in contact weekly to report on our progress.
3. I sent a message to my friend, Elizabeth, and asked if she wanted to go on a walk this week.  We're going tonight.  It's going to be cold.  I'm still going.
4. I sent a message to the (older) brother to say hi.
5. I called the paternal grandma.  At the end of the call she said that I had "made her day."  I could hear my dad's voice in my head, "you've done good."
6. I called the maternal grandma.  We talked for over two hours.  She made me feel encouraged about my job search.  She said she's been praying for me.  She said maybe she would have to make a visit to a certain city too.  She was referring to where my grandfather is buried.  She said, "maybe I need to ask (your grandpa) for assistance."  My grandfather was a minister, our family's spiritual leader really.  The reference to him and prayer brought me peace and calm.  I don't pray that often anymore.  It's hard for me to explain.  It's hard for me to understand.  I'm not sure what I think. 

Monday, September 12, 2011

Untitled

There is a man on Intervention tonight that really reminds me of my dad. It is too much for me right now.  I am a mess. I should not have been watching this show anyway. I cannot watch it without crying sobbing.  It was particularly bad tonight because I have already been spiraling (even further) downward for the last week or so.  Then because I was thinking of my dad I pulled out old letters from him and my grandpa and my uncle.  I think maybe I shouldn't have done that.  I feel very defeated.  I feel very alone.  I feel very sad.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

And I knew for sure I was loved

I woke up this morning from a haunting dream.  I feel kind of down.  When I have these sorts of dreams (and I have them from time to time), I have a hard time shaking this melancholy feeling.  

I was at a funeral, for my father.